I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
