Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
