i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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