can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Help. Why am I so naked?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
