she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
