sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
