Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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