omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
