he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
