But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize