I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
