shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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