WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
