He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
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I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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