girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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