We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
