My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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