she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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