I think I won the penis lottery.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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