Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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