The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
