I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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