you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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