Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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