Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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