he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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