I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
