Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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