Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
