NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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