so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
