And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
