I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
