Midget sex pt 2 tonight
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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