All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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