so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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