We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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