I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
