look no pants
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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