she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
