my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
