so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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