I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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