just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
