Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
