Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
