2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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