dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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