So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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