My hair reeks of homosexuality.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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