yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
