Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
