I smell stomach acid.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
